Illusion
by Sn0wAngel
Summary: Somewhere along the way, I think we mistook him for someone else. Perhaps, he wanted to be that person so badly he lost himself trying to live up to our expectations..."Naruto...please wake up..."
1. Time for a Breakaway

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

*Note* this story contains yaoi (in later chapters)...boyxboy

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Tears fell freely down my face and I welcomed the pain enveloping my senses. After all of it, I knew that I would reach my breaking point. But, I couldn't grasp why. Why had I done this to myself?

Lightning flashed overhead and the sprinkle of rain falling around me turned into a pounding downpour. Although I was under a tree, I ignored the storm and pulled my legs in tighter to my chest in a futile attempt to protect myself from the recollection of the words screeched at me earlier.

Those words would be the last I ever heard from my 'family.' At least, that's what I used to call them; them being my Team. "Team," I murmured aloud, "Yeah right." A low humorless chuckle escaped my throat. There was no way our group should have ever been considered a word such as 'team.' It was obvious from the beginning that none of them liked me let alone respected me of all people: the nine-tailed fox demon's vessel.

Of course, at some times, it would seem as if they would see me differently and maybe even see me for me. Sasuke almost died protecting me from Haku's attack. I don't think he would havedone that for someone he hated. But I guess the thoughts were temporary for they always went back to despising me. A few hours ago, they really put it all into perspective for their 'moronic' blonde 'friend.'

'Friend.' I scoffed at the word. No one was my friend. Who would want to be?

It hurt. It hurt so bad. Not being wanted or even needed. I never accomplished anything and probably never will except being hated by everyone; what a great reason to live!

The wallowing was getting to me. Spreading like a virus and I was the host. It was all coming back to me. We had several missions this morning, seven to be exact, and I, being my idiotic self, managed to turn them all into catastrophes. Needless to say Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi-sensei were fed up.

I tried to push back the stream of memories by attempting to create a dam with my goals in life. 'You're going to be Hokage Naruto! You can do it if you train hard and never give up!' A wave splashed over it. "_Hokage? As if! You can't even complete a single D rank mission without screwing up everything!_" Sakura's voice pierced my mind, "_Gi_ve_ it up Naruto! Everyone, even you, knows that you'll never amount to anything!_" The cracks in the dam were growing quickly and soon I feared there would be nothing left of it.

Realization reached me and immediately turned into hysterics. I covered my ears with my hands and began to shake. I knew what was coming. The next part was the worst.

"_Sakura that's enough! Insulting him won't do anything," Kakashi-sensei spoke in his eerily calm voice."No!" everyone jumped when they heard he anger in Sasuke's voice. He was trembling with rage as he shouted at me, "He needs to know! He's obviously living in a dream-world if honestly he thinks he'll be Hokage someday! How does it feel Naruto to be the most worthless shinobi-no person to be alive? Have you figured it out that if by some miracle, one-in-a-million chance that you became Hokage, that everyone would still hate you? We'd all be better-off - no! a hundred times better-off if you would just leave! Believe it Naruto! You are the most pathetic, stupid, and downright hated person I've ever known!"_

The cracks finally split open allowing in the rampant streams of pain and the walls of the damaged dam collapsed. I grasped my heart as the recollection hit me even harder than the first time. It was far worse than before because the second time I wasn't so numb.

_Sasuke kept glaring into my eyes with a hatred I knew only too well. "And that includes my brother."I looked downwards at this but smiled softly._

"_So that's how you really feel huh?" I looked over at Sakura and Kakashi-sensei who I guess were still shocked by Sasuke's speech considering their wide eyes and open mouths but…still; they could've said something...anything. "I'll take that as a yes, Sasuke?" He was silent._

"_Then…you'll never see me again…believe it," I whispered half-heartedly. With that, I leapt away and began a dead sprint. I was glad to see the rain falling around me for it made it easier to fool myself into believing I wasn't crying._

Curled upon the wet ground, I sobbed miserably. I wanted Sasuke to say he didn't feel that way or at least to say yes but instead…he didn't even answer. I'd known why he said nothing, I just hadn't wanted to really let it sink in. "It's because I wasn't worth his time. I'm too worthless for him to even waste a one second reply on." I heaved out a broken sigh.

It was a long long time before the exhaustion finally set in and I lay down beneath the tree. Despite the water dripping from the leaves, I managed to fall into a deep sleep. The dreams were more than enticing after such a nightmare of a day.

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I apologize for typos and the like. My computer doesn't have spell check and I think I caught most of them...

I'll update depending on if anyone likes this story...if one person likes it I'll keep writing!

Review are appreciated :D


	2. Falling into Defeat

I'm soooooooooooo sorry I never updated :( I just found my missing flashdrive so here's Chapter 2...

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The ache that had settled amongst my bones was almost inviting when I awoke. It was not unlike a pulsing heartbeat in it's staggering predictability.

After all, I'd grown accustomed to pain as punishment; Sakura often punched me for exclaiming 'stupid' remarks and even Iruka had smacked me on more than one occasion for saying something at an inopportune moment.

And just how oblivious did they think I was to my own mistakes? Was it possible they believed I was actually dumb enough not to grasp how utterly ridiculous I had acted yesterday? Even I could fully recognize I deserved some kind of rebuttlement for such a crime of screwing up seven missions in a row...despite the harshness of their words, it just wasn't adequate. My whole, miserable excuse for an existence had been a giant problem or rather screw-up. But here I was, completely and possibly even eternally closed off from anyone who would do me justice for my crime of being born. How was I to rid of this feeling?

Clambering to a standing position, I noticed the chilliness within the air surrounding me. It gnawed at my exposed flesh, dauntingly flowing around me without ceasing. Freezing would be an understatement as I stood there shivering. Examining the landscape amidst me, I realized the rain from last night had turned to sleet sometime during the night. Shimmering frozen drops hung menacingly above in the upper branches of the tree stretched over me and the meadow, in which the tree rested, was covered with a light yet, intricate layer of frost.

My shinobi survival skills quickly kicked in. I was Surely, the cold would overtake me if I didn't warm up somehow, and that somehow needed to be fast. The shivers I'd simply brushed off before, had grown into constant racing, I jumped up the tree and, with one of my kunai, severed off two medium sized branches. I made quick work of cutting them into smaller pieces and arranged them into a triangle shape. Completing a few choice hand signs, I blew fire towards the timber.I tensed instantly. How stupid was I?! Wet wood doesn't catch flame...

However, frustration did begin to kindle a spark within me. What was I going to do? If I stay here, I'll develop hypothermia. The spark, slowly absorbed the rich wood I kept throwing upon it and began to blaze into an inferno. I'll die out here if I don't get warm somehow! Why wasn't I thinking when I ran out so far into the middle of...? Cold water doused the fire; my mind shutdown as I calmly sank my knees down into the frost-laden ground.

Why hadn't I noticed the peaceful warmth that lay deep within me? Perhaps I'd been to blinded before to it's serene comfort, but not anymore...I completely blocked my rationale of my safety away as I curled up beneath the large tree and closed my eyes to the harsh reality I never wanted to wake up to. It was like the short innocence of my youth, outside of the troubles that befell me yet, I lay at the center of those issues; the very cause of my own hatred. Laying upon the frosted ground, the numbness from the day before ghosted over the hollowness of my body. I felt nothing as my heart beat grew slower nor did I even notice myself losing consciousness.

I chuckled softly when I recalled Sasuke's cold, unforgiving eyes. A bittersweet longing spread throughout my being to somehow, by any means whatsoever, bring some sort of warmth to such a dismal stare. However, the feeling rid of itself much faster than it had even fabricated and I quaintly forgot the dark shadows of his eyes altogether.

Effortlessly, I sank into the awaiting depths of sleep. It seemed that all the flailing and gasping I'd done to keep myself from divulging into its icy calmness was entirely in vain. I should've known there was no hope from the moment I was tossed overboard; for although I'd painstakingly swam so far, the truth was dry land was so far away it could be considered amusing and my limbs had grown stiff and nearly unresponsive from the rough journey. Sinking was peaceful...accepting death was almost too easy...

Realization dawned on me and I peeled apart my cracked lips to congratulate a certain person for all this...

"I do hope you're happy now...Sasuke."

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Okay, so this chapter was written mainly to detail Naruto's, surprisingly quick, deterioration. I purposely made his thoughts somewhat choppy to emphasize how his mind is jumbled and what not. It's kind of a boring one but I tried to throw in some more foreshadowing for you. Also, thank all of you sooooooo much for your reviews :)


	3. Hanging onto Nothing

A soft hand traced gently over my forehead...

"His temperature is back to normal."

Two fingers were pressed hesitently against my neck...

"His pulse is stable."

My mind felt distant...

"When will he awaken?"

My body all too aware...

"I'm not sure."

* * *

(Sakura)

He was so cold when we found him. The skin of his face was as white as the frost-dusted earth beneath him. His lips were a deeper blue than his own eyes.

We were lucky to get him back to the hospital in time. It was several hours before his condition could be brought up to normal...well...as normal as it could get.

It turns out that, because his temperture dropped so low, his body reacted similarily...Naruto...Naruto's in a coma...and...and...

...and it's all our fault.

* * *

(Sasuke)

It's been so difficult lately....being angry and...hating...him or rather...trying.

Sometimes, I think we are too influenced by the people we hang around with. Like, we start taking on characteristics of those we see everyday and often, we're just so blind we just completly miss it. But I haven't. I've noticed how their smiles seem to worm their way onto my face and how I've felt more lighthearted than I have in years.

Yet, I can't let it continue...I couldn't...our bonds have been growing, strengthening; to the point I can no longer retreat from them at my own will. Despite my unwillingness to reach out my hand, they grabbed on somehow...and they are pulling much harder than they should. They're yanking me away from my meaning...away from my reason to become stronger.

Especially him.

He was the worst.

There was just something about him that drew me in against my will. I knew that in order to furfill my purpose of killing my brother, I must avoid forging any personal connection with anyone. But Naruto...it was like we were both magnets: him being the postitive charge and I the negitive. I didn't want to be attracted to his force, yet physics really aren't on my side.

At first it was the simple things; wondering where he was when he was late to our team meetings and wanting to spar him instead of Sakura or Kakashi. Then, I started questioning why he was late, never to him of course, and always volunteering to fight him. It was a slow fade. The process from me being shut off from everybody, to begin to open up to him.

I knew I needed to stop my sprialing into caring. It just felt so wonderful I didn't want to grab on. I wanted to fall into how things used to be before my family's passing.

But I couldn't.

Reality was excruciating...and to continue on with my mission...I had to make him think I'd always lied.

So I hurt him.

It was never my intension to break him.

* * *

(Naruto from here on out)

Spinning...Swirling...Mystifying...Where am I?

Everything's so vibrant down there; the colors so beautiful. I've never seen another place so full of lush life. The light wafts up to me, making the portal seem like a spotlight and even so it doesn't bother my eyes.

For, you see, I've got one foot hanging into the hole while the rest of me is sitting in this empty nothingness. I don't know what'll happen if I take my leg out. But what I do know, is that I don't want to.

I want to explore the other planet. To leave behind this terribly empty space.

...I don't know why I haven't jumped yet...

* * *

1 month later

* * *

Sometimes I hear them when they visit.

Sakura comes everyday. She'll go on about her day for awhile, usually about a half an hour, before she breaks into tears.

Kakashi-sensei will appear about once a week and Iruka will tag along. I hear about their lives as well. Afterwards, they wish me a quick recovery and are on their way.

Sasuke...hasn't shown.

I want to tell Sakura it's okay; that I'm okay. I want to tell Kakashi-sensei that I'll be back on missions and to tell Iruka about my life as a Genin. I want to hunt down Sasuke and fight him for never visiting.

I've been thinking about going futher down to the swirling beauty beneath me.

...I might descend...it would be so much nicer...

* * *

2 months later (for a sum of 3)

* * *

Sakura still visits; every once in a while. I don't blame her. She should move on with her life.

Kakashi-sensei and Iruka come to see me even less. Again, I understand. I only wish them the best.

Sasuke has yet to make an apparence; even so, I hope he's happy.

I'm halfway down into the bright world with only my arms holding me up. The planet is so calming that I crave it more than ever.

...It would be so nice to leave behind my horrid time on Earth...

* * *

3 months later (for a total of 6)

* * *

Sakura doesn't come by anymore.

Neither does Iruka nor Kakashi.

Of course Sasuke hasn't.

I am simply alone...but it no longer bothers me.

I'm only hanging by one hand now. My fingers twitch anxiously for my command to finally fall.

...I'm going to do it...I just have to let go...

I lift a digit.

A voice. I can hear someone from up above. Who would visit me?

I'm so far away, it's just a muffled noise. But who?

Eagerly, I pull my head back up through the portal to 'Earth' and away from the other, better, planet. Yet I don't recogize the sound...wait...it's...

Crying.

Complely flabberghasted, I yanked my body up through the hole instantly. I still couldn't tell who it was! Now I was getting annoyed. Almost entierly out of the portal, I remember what lay within it. Regret pools within me as I look down into it's depths. I had waited so long to visit the beautiful and vast world that lay right in front of me, so close to my grasp!

"Naruto."

My curiosity and hope overpowers my will to leave like a magnetic pull.

Why was it? And why were they crying? Surely they weren't crying over me...?

Giving a final look below, I pull my left foot out the portal.

The sobbing grows louder.

Something foreign enters my lungs. Wait...oh! Air.

There was a weight on my hand I'd never noticed until now and something soft is tickling it as well. I open my eyes to see what it is.

A pale hand grasps my own and a few dark tuffs of hair prickle the back of my hand.

I smile gently as I realize who they belong to...

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Annnnnnd there you go! I updated early because I felt so bad about taking forever last time :( and the fact that it snowed which inspired me to keep going (my name is Sn0wAngel after all)!

This was the longest chapter so far, but it cover the biggest chunk of plot so far also.

If you didn't like the present tense, neither did I. Therefore, I will not be using it again haha

I think I made the crying person a little too predictable, but if you haven't figured it out, re-read Sakura and Sasuke's sections at the top and think about how Naruto was drawn by a "magnetic force." If that doesn't totally give it away for you...you'll just have to wait :p

Thanks sooooooo much for the reviews!

Till next time...Ja ne!


	4. Definition of Friendship

The smile slowly dropped from my face.

What was he doing here?

I strained to remember how I'd been admitted into the hospital but couldn't recall a thing. And exactly why was the sobbing mess at my beside Sasuke?

Of all the people in the Hidden Leaf Village, the last Uchiha was the one to visit me...and he was crying?

My mind was reeling from the sheer complexity of it.

"I never thought I'd say this..." murmured Sasuke, "but I'm really, truly sorry Naruto."

That one sentence brought back everything. The memories hit me like bullets:

"_Gi_ve _it up Naruto! Everyone, even you, knows that you'll never amount to anything!_"

_"How does it feel, Naruto, to be the most worthless shinobi-no person, to be alive? Have you figured it out that if by some miracle, one-in-a-million chance that you became Hokage, that everyone would still hate you? We'd all be better-off - no! a hundred times better-off if you would just leave! Believe it Naruto! You are the most pathetic, stupid, and downright hated person I've ever known!"_

I remembered falling asleep under tree in the nameless meadow, how the chill from the ground set into my very bones, and then the darkness.

The recollection numbed my innermost core but somehow still managed to make my heart ache painfully.

Why couldn't I do anything right?

I slowly closed my eyes. There was no way I could face Sasuke yet; even though he seemed desprete to tell me he was sorry.

His words only fell on deaf ears as I drifted into another deep slumber.

(AN: Naruto does not remember anything from his comatic state)

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The second time I awoken, there was no one. The only noise was the beeping of the heart monitor beside my bed.

I sighed upon looking at my bedside table; it was covered with brightly colored cards. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed one off of the top layer. Inside, it read: Get well soon Naruto! I miss seeing my number!" one customer!

In response, I snorted. Of course the Ramen shop owner would miss me! He probably had to shut down without my business.

I glanced briefly at the others on the table before chucking the one in my hand back on top. The only reason anyone gave me a card was for their own benefit. Whether it was Choji, because he wanted to get a free meal from me, or Kakashi-sensei, because he wanted to repair his team's bond. There never was a simple "Get well Naruto, I miss you!"

Yet, I wasn't angry; not in the least.

Instead of frustration or sadness, I understood. All I was good for was for use. No one wanted to be my friend, unless they could get something out of it.

But maybe that's all friendship really was in the first place.

Then why had I tried so hard to make comrades? Why had I sacrificed my well-being on more than one occasion in order to create a bond of use?

"Perhaps, I'll be better off without friends."

So struck by the truthfulness of my own words, I didn't notice the nurse who entered my room.

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Ummmm...long time no see? I just got a new laptop since the death of my last one; which shortly after the publication of the last chapter of this story :(

But, I'm back now! and hopefully I can get this story rolling again :D

This chapter was really difficult for me because it redirects the rest of the story but I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thanks again for all the reviews!

Ja ne :)


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